Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
The graph shows people using new music places on the Internet in fifteen days period of time namely personal choice and trendy pop music.
The overall trend shows fluctuation with slight Increased towards the end of the period.
Starting with Music Choice websites; 40,000 poeple went on this new site on first-day. Half of them backed out the next day. In Contrast to this Pop Parade net sites were visited by 120,000 music lovers on day one which decreased slightly on the next day thereafter regaining the same fame on 3rd day.
After 3rd day the enthusiasm for both music lines on Internet dropped slowly- reaching maximum fall of 40,000 on 7th day. Whereas Music choice gained popularity, slightly Improoving to get the original strength of 30,000 viewers on screen, but was getting still less visiters than their opponent Pop group i.e. 40,000 on day 7.
In the biegining of the next week both gained remarkable recovery after a few fluctuations for 8th and 9th day having 40,000 and 50,000 visiters respectively, reaching to their peaks of one and a half thousand new viewers for Pop Parade on 11th day showing a contrast of very few people visiting Music choice for the same day. Thereafter Music choice gained popularity on 12th day for having more than 120,000 new visiters on web.
In the end of the period Pop sites were visited by maximum viewers of 180,000 whereas sites located to Music choice were not explored by more than 80,000 explorers on the last day of the report.(257 words)This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:
Well organized with some good linking devices and collocations (gain popularity, remarkable recovery, decrease slightly) and some valid comparison of the music sites. However, some sentences are long and confusing (paragraph 5), some collocations are inaccurate (slight increased, reaching to their peaks) and there is some repetition (7th day, 3rd day, 11 th day). Some words are spelt incorrectly (poeple, Improoving, visiters, biegining).